Translated tautomatically by Microsoft (from Dutch)
Autor: Tineke Boogaarts
Battle between the cosmic relationship and earthly reality
I am now convinced that my relationship with @ a cosmic relationship is and he is most likely, as previously predicted, also my Twin Soul. He is not so convinced of that, but that is true at this stage, where we cannot experience things at the same level.
However, there is always a tennis match going on in my brain, where I can sometimes stay very well at that cosmic level and react from authenticity and pure Love and on the other hand there is that energy from emotion, in the form of old concepts and beliefs. More from a dualistic mode.
Phrases like, "If you do that.....!" or, "You do things that hurt me!" There are even tendencies to 'punishment', which I certainly don't want, because there's a vulnerable place at @.
I feel like a toll in it and get sick from my own swirls. I feel it's not right what I'm doing at such a time and I know I'm in the wrong concepts, but if I try to turn it around, that cosmic line doesn't want to come to me, at least not at the level where I want to feel and experience it. to be able to react purely from there.
Where's that difference?
I feel very clear, but the execution is so difficult because it always tends to jump back to those old beliefs that I have been infected with for 70 years now.
That makes sense, of course, because water, and therefore feeling, is looking for the easiest route to flow and that is in the bed of the past.
I also see that struggle with my twin soul mates that I encounter on social media.
One of the starting rules is, I think:
You can never change another one, you can only do something about yourself. But there is more and that lies mainly in terms of view, or feel what a twin soul relationship really is. Where and how does the drama play out, in the sense of 'act'?
That is, in my opinion, set in the evolution of the two souls who were once expelled from their unit and then had to continue their way separately. Now, in this day and age, they may somehow meet again and it turns out that many can experience this now.
Both have since come their own way, for any (cosmic or earthy) reason. They've outgrown each other more or less.
One hypothesis about this from me is that we are separated to learn and grow on the two separate layers in order to ultimately serve the evolution of the world and move it to the next level.
It takes many lives, an innumerable number. In many of those lives, the separate souls did not even meet each other, or did not recognize the special bond. The time wasn't right. The journey through life must be complete and the lessons learned, the two parts want to blend back together and take off as a new unit to never return, because everything is now fully rounded and integrated.
So if we meet at the moment, in this life, and 'recognition' takes place, if it is only that one touches something on the other, then there is a time to stand still and experience, to feel what belongs to one and what belongs to the other.
This initially seems to be a separate learning process.
However, there are also strong emotions in what connects, which is recognizable in the other, where we perceive each other as equal.
The two blueprints are put back together and a sense of equality is inescapable. This becomes conscious, but usually experienced unconsciously for the time being. Life seems to be well advanced in the karmic process and it seems to be growing towards a merger where no new joint karma can be added. As soon as this is in danger of happening, something will be put into effect to separate the two. How that happens is a mystery, there seems to be some kind of cosmic director that attracts or lets lines in it celebrate.
We hear a lot about attracting and repelling, the chaser and the runner, bonding anxiety and abandonment anxiety. Words that seem to be attached to it to understand it a little on earth level.
I have been hanging a text on the wall here for years with words that affect me over and over again and which have to do with the above for me. Especially the last sentence affects me over and over again.
‘They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same’
I can let this text apply to many people who have come my way, but the strongest is that with the souls closest to us. The Soulmates, several of which come along in our lives, but especially the Twin Soul who suddenly steps in in some lives and stirs our hearts more than.
Some peopleSome people come into our livesand quickly go.Some move our souls to dance.They awaken us to new understandingwith the passing whisper of their wisdom.Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.They stay in our lives for a while,leave footprints on our hearts,and we are never,ever the same.
Anyone who has experienced this recognizes this and many people have already photographed this text on my wall or been sent or printed out as a word document.
The turmoil, getting hit is essential in my eyes and that also happens with images on TV, words that someone pronounces, emotions that people show, lyrics you read, music you hear and with multiple stimuli coming along
Always again, when the heart is hit, there is a cosmic meaning to it, a link to something that rises above yourself, at least in my experience!
It not only comes in, but vibrates, flows through my being and lingers in my cells. I said, that's not just with the Twin Soul, but also with Soulmates, and it looks like we can practice with those people for a while (in multiple lives). They are often very good friends or people with whom we have (had a short or long-term, sexual or non-sexual) relationship). They are all part of it and they may be more violent, and more so in number, in the life that we may encounter our Twin Soul for the last, finalising, phases. I've had some of these relationships, and one of them i even thought he'd be my Twin Soul. That was over twenty years ago and shortly after him I came across @ again and then only realized that he meant a lot to me.
Because of that other, supposed, twin relationship, I did delve into the phenomenon of twin souls and now benefit from it. I was prepared. It seems that life itself has made me ready to really enter into this process.
Well, I'm in the middle of it now (2019/2020) and even though I'd already immersed myself in it, it came as a kind of lightning strike in clear skies and is so intense that sometimes my system really couldn't handle it and I wanted to walk out of it. That's where the runners come from, I think, the emotions are getting too big for the organism of that moment, it can't be done yet.I once experienced a vision of a huge Sense of Love and that was so overwhelming that I immediately shut it down again. That Love with a very large capital L, in its full capacity, is not manageable for us people at the moment. That was a clear lesson for me and I was grateful that I had been given this.
At the third and now last meeting in 2019, 33 years after our first meeting, I was so afraid of losing him again, because that had already happened twice, and that's where the chaser comes around the corner. That chasing and controlling, i did more than tend to walk away, although it was also present and is, out of self-preservation, because sometimes it gets too much for me!
That huge sense of Love for him, it engulfed me again and that still happens regularly.
This is where things go wrong. I now realize that it is a process of learning and tuning.
Love, we all know it, we grew up with it, through fairy tales about the prince on the white horse, the novels we've read and the movies that had an image of 'good feel movies'. The adolescent lovers who let go of that wonderful feeling with me and in which I wanted to float.
Especially with the women among us and in men it seems to be a little different, but they too are infected with the earthly virus of love.
It's our training ground.
On a personal level, it seems that my life has prepared me for that love 'at and with distance', which cosmic love also borders on.
Between the age of 4 and 6, my father was out of the picture because he worked abroad and therefore lived.
That's an important age for imaging a girl in relation to their father and later the men in their lives.
At the age of 13, I fell in love with a boy on the HBS, and without ever touching each other, I ended up in a platonic crush that lasted a year and Hans, his name, probably never knew. Last year I saw him on TV and appeared to have held a high position at one of the nuclear power plant, he was already a kind of nerd at the HBS at the time, although we didn't know that word at the time.
In my 30s I met a man from Ireland and that was another impossible love, which was especially remote, he was married and so was I. Looking back, I see three important men in which love needed a remote control.
When meeting a Twin Soul, it turns out that, that symbolic remote control, is a manageable instrument that helps to create that piece of bridge. I feel at a distance very often what the other person is doing, or at least the feeling, sometimes the atmosphere in which he sits.
I also regularly feel that I am out of touch and feel sealed off, an old wound breaks open and I feel banished, pulled over, no longer belonging to it. An old trauma.
By wanting to connect me so often in life remotely, i still seem to have developed an ability in that area, and that is now a great help.
Beautiful, as life builds events to be prepared for the things the soul wants to experience. I have observed that in others, too, and as an astrologer, that is of course fantastic material to look together for the coat hangers that form a kind of common evolutionary thread in what is the intention of the soul. Becoming aware is a huge cosmic growth.
I have to go back to what I want to tell you about that earthly realization of the relationship with the Twin Soul. You soon want to fill out everything as it is present in concept, that wonderful feeling, become one by a sexual connection, but also sleep together, live together, go on holiday together and visit family and friends, everything that belongs to a relationship, like me learned that.
Well that's where things go wrong, because actually we don't have to deal with it together anymore, we're already together, that's not, never, to break up again.
However, there is still something to be completed with both of them and I have regularly caught the fact that I want to change that in particular with the other person.
WRONG, totally wrong! It's HIS piece that he has to deal with completely separately from me. I have to stay out of that and underline that twice as a mission! For example, I see with members eyes how my TZ maintains a relationship based only on lies, on untold truths and on perceived feelings that are very real to them, however. He says and feels this way and articulates I love her!
Of course, that AU is in my ears, because I am the only one who can love him at the highest level, arrogant as I am. I see him suffering, he who thinks it's so important to have freedom in his life to stand where he wants and then such a 'bitch' (she'll probably be a very sweet woman) who really remembers him all the freedom and shoots him in a panic attack like her takes a step in our direction when we are together. He makes all that happen and there's the healing there too! Only with him!
From the outside, from old concepts, totally understandable that I react like this, because that's what I've been taught in those books and by the people of my area. But from cosmic relateren and handling (drama) of karma, it's something you can and can only observe from a distance.
I'm standing there and I'm looking at it!
My God, what is that difficult and what thresholds should I take to feel that with my heart and find peace with it. It's really high quality if you can. You can fight for that, you don't do that!
And I'm making progress, I notice.
I am glad that he can now speak openly with me and, through my work, I can react reasonably well without shooting into my own emotion.
The image of that own way and the completion of my own karma helps me with that. It's not my trial, it's his process.
Love is no less about it and I continue to love him intensely even though he still has that (happy part-time and sexless) relationship.
For example, there are always two scenarios in my head, an earthy and a cosmic one.
This weekend (5-1) I was able to look myself in the eye again, because somehow, I had, by God's grace, the right words and the right tone in front of hands and I say 'thank you cosmos!'
I had already heard from him for a while (few days but!) and felt that the contact had been broken again, I then experience distance. He had locked himself up and it turned out when there was another app and I asked how it went.
The answer was: depri.
I didn't go into it now with, 'what can I do for you' (the helper), or 'how come' (the therapist), no I just appted, 'a little annoying for you', from an acceptance that that was his mood. I know his, that's part of him, and it must have a reason, but I'm not in a position to help him do that unless he asks for it. I had also shut myself down because that is my survival strategy so as not to feel too much the pain that that causes me. I then go back to my own, happy life, but he always hangs around me, which I experience as 'normal'.
If he wants to see me the next day, that's okay, but I notice my closedness and i'm not going to play a stage in this either. I tell him this and that I'm more of an oyster than a flowering flower to pick. Just the way I feel it.
But then I notice, in the moment, I do need to crawl into him, to feel like him, which I do.
Staying with me is the motto, both in positive and negative feelings. That feels "pure."
This immediately gives me an affection in which I feel the auras merge again. It is pure and not with games, out of resentment or deficient. He can be who he is and I may be who I am, that gives so much space!
Later, I asked him how he wants to be approached when he's depressed again, or, as he says it in some kind of hibernation. He likes to hear from me every now and then.
I know that.
When he's gone, I'm still in that atmosphere and he too, through the app, says he's still enjoying and feeling what was so intense between us that morning. The contact has been restored but will be broken again in the coming days if he returns to work with the contacts that may still be part of his karma.
I may experience that what is between us is really only between us, there can be no third or fourth party. He loves that what is between us is also for himself, that is our 'bubble' that only we can experience like this. My ego then plays up and secretly I think i'm the best, the highest and the most intimate, but know that the other one in the karma field is just as important, because if that's not redeemed, there won't be any merging.
I even suspect that it will take one or more lives to complete it, but I don't know enough about that.
The days are stringing back to one and there seems to be a pattern of intense togetherness, contact with distance, rapprochement and weather that feels intense unity and Love and then distance. The process that belongs to the Twin Soul.
 Wikipedia: A drama usually covers an emotional theme, allowing the viewer or reader to empathize with the characters and identify with them.