I should be sleeping right now, but I had a very intense dream and I’m trying to figure out exactly what I’m supposed to be learning. The odd thing it was about my karmic/ father of my kids, not my DM. The bottom line is something good happened in the dream for him, something I should have been happy for him about. I wasn’t. It was like his success affected my self worth. With me and him, it’s always been that way. To be fair, he has a habit of letting me know on a daily basis all of the ways I’m not good enough in every aspect of my life. I thought I was healed because that doesn’t really affect me anymore. Anyway I woke up and got all these flashbacks of my mom acting this same way (jealous, threatened and insecure) toward my dad whenever he would have success. Like I can see how my mom made my dad feel and even held him back from reaching his potential and I don’t want to be like her. I think I need to heal from my mom’s issues and ask my karmic for forgiveness before DM and I can move forward. Because no matter what, my karmic is still in my life and while our romantic cycle is complete, I love him very much and my kids will not grow up seeing an unhealthy dynamic between us. I know it has nothing to do with the journey but it actually has everything to do with the journey. We are here to break these unhealthy, toxic patterns. It sucks because I am acutely aware of how dysfunctional I’ve been in the past but at least I have a clear understanding now of why.